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1,113 posts

My Day One

Posted by TaracaX Nov 27, 2020

Hello! I'm back and feeling confident this time. I woke up this morning thinking time for a cig, ugh no I'm not a smoker anymore i replied. I plan to come on here every day and log something.  Maybe my exercise journey and becoming a competitor for fitness competitions. I hope to chat with all of you soon.



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 24, 2020

I don't even think of smoking these days - ONLY by MY Daddy Gods amazing grace and His love - FACTS - life happens to EVERY BODY - I hear all the time - YOUR NOT ALONE - we are ALL suffering  - MY husband ma 97yr back in hospital with heart pain and lungs filled with fluid - his sister 70yr has covid19 and at home with household filled with covid19 in 5 other members - TODAY MY 1st thought is to PRAYER for others and I am so grateful to MY Daddy God in MY Lord Jesus name amen - MY prayers are answered and I praise and thank MY Daddy God for MY Husbands -  Ma coming home 2mrw and prayer answered for his sister had a doctor visit on computer and received meds for depression  - the other 5 are dealing with their VARIED symtomps of covid19 - EVERY BODY in this WHOLE WORLD is dealing with covid19 in some loved ones or themselves  - MY ma who has been in HOSPICE since May 19 - 2020 - her area in 3 counties of TN has bern infected with covid19 happening in her HOSPICE caregiver nurses and their clients - MY husband and I are survivors of covid19 in May 2020 - MY husband almost died from it - and NOW stay at home in IL - is happening again to shut down  - ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace - MY 1st thought is to stay in prayer for others TODAY and come here to cheer others on to VICTORY in sharing MY experience STAYING a non smoker - ONE day at a time with ALL of you - thank you ALL  - I believe in Gods amazing grace and HE  keeps ME in His love to keep ONE foot in front of the other and MY NEW mindset is to make a gratitude list - think of the joyful positive MORE than woes in our life day after day  - before I obessed about NICOTINE and TODAY I obessed about praying for others and to thank God continually for I am NICOTINE FREE and  - I am very grateful that I have this site to come and HELP others to STAY positive and pass on a JOY filled attitude to others and be a non smoker with ALL of YOU just for TODAY

Quitting smoking and remaining quit is the GIFT OF LIFE! It's definetly not easy by any stretch of the imagination BUT thankfully with commitment and perseverance it's absolutely Doable PLUS our lives literally depends on us to quit and remain quit so we can be around with the best quality of LIFE possible, If we don't look after ourselves nobody else can do it for us! 

I just wanted to share a thought on my personal experiences with relapse in the past with it being more of a story. 


You just quit nicotine the past month and hit your 30 day milestone, its been challenging, tough, a grind...…...but also exciting and thrilling to accomplish such a feet.  You are so proud of yourself and should be.  You post and blog, started working out, doing all the things you need to do but then..…… have a moment where the strings are tugging, you know all to well that one cigarette or smokeless tobacco is something you THINK you want, but also know once done you will wish you didn't do it at all.  Is it because you feel defeated, maybe embarrassed, why?


Well, for me in the past it ALWAYS has been I wanted something (not really sure why) and you think about it, it consumes your mind and then you break down and well you know the story...…...then afterwards you think, wow, that really didn't make me feel better, my BP went up, I now have a headache, mentally I feel exhausted and defeated, etc, etc.


So, my lesson learned is when those string are tugging, remember why you quit, who you are, and that a moment of nicotine will not make you feel better, it will make you feel worse...…….keep pushing, as many have said take it "one day at a time" and reward yourself in other ways, celebrate who you are and what your short and long term goals are!! 


Remember how awesome you feel NICOTINE free and the self worth you feel because you are worth it!!!!


We have so many amazing people here, please feel free to expand if you like...…..I myself want to here your success stories and I think people hearing YOUR perspective makes a huge difference.


Today is an amazing day, embrace and engage in life!!


Finally Ready!!

Posted by Blue123 Nov 17, 2020

After a few decades of using chewing tobacco, hiding, sneaking around my family, etc....hit a wall on Nov.12th and made the choice to quit.  While I have done this before,  I think after 5 days of managing withdrawals and looking for support (I know I will need it) may have given me a glimpse of just how addicting chewing tobacco is.


In the past I have used gum and tried cold turkey before but I don't really think I was fully committed at any of those attempts


So, the goal is simple "don't EVER use again".  Here are some things I am doing to get by as I stopped cold turkey:

  • Drinking a little more coffee and honestly eating coffee beans
  • Taking moments to think how thankful I am for different things
  • focused on getting a workout and drinking lots of water (seems to help a lot)
  • Joined a Zoom weekly meeting (haven't attended yet but I'm on the list).


So yeah, I'm 6 days in nicotine free and feel really good about where I am.  However, I KNOW I need more than just my mental toughness (or lack of) when those moments happen and I am really hoping to find some support here with real people telling real stories so I can get help and maybe if I'm blessed help others.


Thank you for listening and looking forward to hearing your personal stories and tips/guidance.



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 15, 2020

I am very GRATEFUL to be free in MY mind from nicotine obession - I am GRATEFUL for this recovery from nicotine site and EVERYBODY here


3600 DAYS!

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 14, 2020




ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace - I haven't used MY drug NICOTINE to COPE with MY insides - that are SOME times filled with fears of this covid19 life and the worlds godless society chaos and then MY insecurities of the NEW day will I CHOOSE to use the worldly clamour and godlessness as an EXCUSE to suck on death to ESCAPE MY inner truths - n.o.p.e. - I will remain to pray first and then BEFORE I use ANY excuse I will come and admit I NEED HELP - I will blog MY fears and I will blog MY insecurities and ACCEPT the experience and wisdom shared as I choose WHAT to learn from others HOPE at living through MY pain and KEEP moving to grow up inside and - ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace -  I haven't used SOME people as an EXCUSE to SUCK ON DEATH - Thank ALL those who WALK their talk here and take their OWN inventory NOT other's - Thank ALL who are SELF honest and LOOK at themselves in the mirror to FACE their OWN truth about themselves and NOT blame other's for their OWN immature at being willing to admit their OWN defects of character and their OWN short comings - ONLY by MY Daddy Gods amazing grace - HE keeps ME facing MYSELF to ask MYSELF questions - Am I living in the present of this day ONLY learning to listen to others and trying NEW ideas to STAY nicotine free for ME to keep growing up on the inside - Am I being HELPFUL or bragging at STAYING nicotine free - Am I just showing off by being PRIDE filled thinking this is MY recovery site and everyone has to DO IT MY WAY - Am I hurting others with MY self will run riot or am I just sharing the HOPE given to ME freely and passing it on freely in LOVE -  Am I regrouping and prioritizing MY thinking and MY activities of this DAY only  - is it MY old mindset of an nicotine addict trying to run ME with I feel thinking or MY NEW mindset at FACTS thinking and grateful living as a mature non smoker person passing on the JOY of EACH new day and sharing NEW coping skills  - What do I NEED to DO for MYSELF to STAY a JOY filled NON SMOKER this moment - I practice and practice and practice EACH NEW day to listen and learn as I remain OPEN MINDED to learn positive thoughts and most of all to DO SOME things different - to think of other's ABOVE myself - I lift other's in pray just like other's prayed for ME when Richard died SUDDENLY on October 13 - ONE month He has been DEAD - I have been coming to this site since October 2010 - MY QUIT DATE IS JANUARY 6TH 2011 - I smoked because I did NOT like this man having the SAME quit date as ME - PRIDE MY PRIDE brings ME into denial of MY non smoker ignorant behaviors and TODAY I know inside maturity comes ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace - I was blessed with a COLD TURKEY QUIT January 6 2011 and l have learned to STAY QUIT by HELPING the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT and taking MY OWN inventory and NOT complaining about other's WHO are just being themselves by STAY NICOTINE FREE the way the NEED to for themselves and to LIVE AND LET LIVE YOU do your nicotine freedom your way and ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace in HIS love -  I will do mine and TOGETHER with ALL the DIFFERENT WAYS at staying NICOTINE FREE - the NEW nicotine addict can CHOOSE their OWN way too - by their OWN choice and way they WANT to live NICOTINE FREE LIVE AND LET LIVESharing what worked for you and LET GO AND LET GOD  


11- 11- 2020

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 11, 2020

Thank you to ALL who served OUR nation and GAVE ALL to keep this ONE NATION UNDER GOD FREE in MY Higher Power name WHO is MY Lord Jesus and May God in His love and grace KEEP OUR NATION America safe to eternity - amen THANK YOU ALL IN MILITARY SERVICES THEN AND NOW 

MY emotions are TRYING to run the show in certain moments of MY day - I realize how immature I am at COPING with people - I live in an apartment 3 floors and four apartments on each level - LOTS OF GERMS - 1 washer 1 dryer - 1 washer was broken - 1 dryer 1.50 to use and does NOT dry good for 1.50 - I have been waiting for the GOOD dryer for almost 2 HOURS - then I go in laundry room to check the dryer 1.50 that I paid to use - the person using the GOOD dryer - took MY clothes OUT of the washer and put MY clothes in the GOOD dryer - HELLO covid19 rule's - I don't know WHO this person is IF they have covid19 -  so I came to VENT - now IF covid19 wasnt an issue it would be a nice gester correct? COVID19 is real and I do NOT want MY clothes TOUCHED by anyone - thanks for listening - NOW MY husband's ma 97yr old had mild case covid19 and was 2 days is hospital and is being sent home by drs and her grand daughter is picking her up this AFTERNOON and last night at midnight MY hubby sister 70yr who is his ma caregiver - NOW the grand daughter will be because the 70yr was taken by ambulance to hospital at midnight last night and that is all MY husband was text  - and WE just got update -  right NOW - that the 70yr sister has bacterial pneumonia and was tested and HAS covid19 - s.i.n.a.o. for ME to stuff all MY emotions TODAY - yet I find MYSELF thinking of ways to escape MY REAL world - FACT for ME a solution is that I STOP and pray and when I prayed and started breathing again just in and out breathing and kept MY big mouth shut and asking in prayer for MY Daddy God to save ME from being angry about MY clothes being touched by GERMS -  I had a healthy lunch and finished a load of wash and now two loads are drying and then sheets are next and that person is being prayed for that touched MY clothes and prayers for family are said and on November 6th MY ma who has been in HOSPICE 4 months - cries out in the middle of the night - I want to LIVE and woke her caregiver UP - which is MY sister 56 yr old and she comforted OUR ma and they went back to sleep and NOW Ma has been up in wheelchair  and eating and visiting and sitting out on porch enjoying nature and enjoying life - aint it grand MY Daddy God is still into miracles - ok now I am ok - I pass the test of acceptance in ME and MY heart attitudes - always look for the GOOD anyway - thanks for listening


Peace at Last 

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 8, 2020

WE -  Ward and I made it to a FULL DAY of peace and love -  after a long black storm of emotional ane mental twists accepting life on life's terms with GOOD heart attitudes - FACT and REAL pains in OUR mind and will and emotions - SOUL storms  testing of OUR faith - FACTS - hospice - sudden death of loved one and now covid19   -  WE woke up and prayed then WE encouraged each other to go for a leisure walk - WE gotta exercise everyday areobic walking for me and walking everyday for Ward and together on weekends - so WE can keep walking until WE just keep trying to enjoying a beautiful day with seeing nature in its variety of colors - staying in this DAY only and MY Higher Power - who is - MY Daddy God - I think is the BEST artist ever - talking about ME not anyone else - Ward and I walked for 45 minutes -  we return home and watched some movies and I took a cat nap and then WE went out after supper to have a treat from dairy queen - I ate a strawberry shortcake blizzard and Ward had oreo blizzard - we sat on our glider out on our patio enjoying our treats -  It has been along time since WE had a DAY filled with - a peace beyond understanding in OUR hearts and bodies and minds - FACT. - WE just got news yesterday - Wards ma who is 97 and in hospital 2 days with covid19 and MY ma who is in hospice 4 months now has been in NEW health - up sitting in wheelchair on porch visiting with oldest sister and just enjoying her day - it really is a WONDERFUL n.o.p.e. DAY - thanks for letting ME share - one lemon at a time throughout MY days I use every now and again to bring ME back into MY moments - it works - thank you Dale for teaching ME to bite into a lemon peel and all in January 6th 2011 - it keeps ME in MY every day moments - TODAY - 3594 NICOTINE FREE DAYS


I just received text this morning - November is MY native American MONTH -  i will use the slogan - n.o.p.e. over the changing Native American to Indigenous peoples month - cheeeezzeee Louise - 1st name I was given by the Catholic nuns at the orphanage in So Dakota was - heathens - I was 4 years old - then as I aged - names given were - red man - MY skin was NEVER red - then Indian and then - Native Ametican and 2020 to the name Indigenous and I had to look up that word for a definition - it means - native - laughing out loud - n.o.p.e. is MY slogan for all ignorant peoples who know NOTHING of native americans - growing up on the government assigned REZ areas - are 3rd world ateas in the United States just fyi - I will NOT take one PUFF over this silliness - which Brenda SUGGESTED to ME over MY using caps and ALL  other silliness that goes in the world of ALL peoples - I am NOT the only one - live and let God is MY love motto - love is MY Daddy God and to love myself and to love ALL other peoples in MY Lord Jesus name amen - I was told I can't give away something I don't have so NOW I will be moving forward in LOVE

PLEASE  - please do not be offended - just SHARING that I am Native Americam - I am of the tribe - the Waphton Sioux of Lake Traverse Rez in Sisseton South Dakota and very honored to be chosen in the month of November by the government to be celebrating - NATIVE AMERICANS month- yahooooo



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 3, 2020

I vote for ME to remain grateful to GOD for his grace still upon MY world and giving ME freedom to choose a n.o.p.e. day with ALL of you here and a LOVING suggestion to VOTE TODAY and please remember to





 wear YOUR mask

I remember when I was little 6 year old and I would HOLD MY breath and HOPE he was NOT going to rape ME tonight - I was so scared in the beginning - then after DAYS of holding MY breath each time it is NOW a breath habit and that habit -  TODAY -  I am still trying to break - HOLDING MY breathe when life gets TOUGH - HOLDING MY breath because I don't know how to speak proper words to confront a jackass- I would SMOKE at people in MY PAST and  - I would smoke and smoke and smoke telling MYSELF that smoking HELPS ME breath better - smoking HELPS ME cope with people better because smoking HELPS ME say nice things to those people who are a jackass - I keep using these EXCUSES to smoke and NOT be responsible for MY emotions -  then inside of ME - would be this HUGE volcano of bitterness and rage and frustrations and to STOP this volcano from erupting -  I would smoke 50 cigarettes a day -  so I could act like a nice person to the jackass - that was MY HOLD back emotions at all costs in MY OLD ADDICT MINDSET PAST and Today I have broken that OLD ADDICT MINDSET to repeat to MYSELF - n.o.p.e. NOT TODAY - it is written - I have the mind of Christ and thats is MY belief and TODAY  - I breath DEEPLY in and out as I deal with closure of Richards death - he had emphysema COPD and STAYED 16 YEARS n.o.p.e. lifestyle - I breath DEEPLY as I get news MY friend Jimmy who I have known for 34 YEARS in a recovery family has emphysema - only 30 percent lung capacity - his wife shared with MY family at Richards celebration of life - I remembered BUT for the grace of God go I - I breath DEEPLY just NOW and lifted Jimmy and his wife and family in prayer - I breath in and out gratitude to MY Daddy God in faith and love to MY Lord Jesus for a COLD TURKEY QUIT on January 6 2011 and I continue to breath in and out asking MY Holy Spirit to teach ME to pray for all those addicted to nicotine in MY Lord Jesus name amen - thanks for letting ME share - when a crave HITS and it will thats is a FACT and when I want to be the jackass - I pray by breathing DEEP in and out BEFORE I open MY mouth to speak because I love people TODAY I love face to face masks wearing people TODAY -  ONLY by Gods grace -  I love that ONE person who is in DENIAL of their OWN pride just like I use to be - I would use ANYONE as an excuse to get MY drug nicotine telling MY lie to MYSELF - I need to smoke to breath -  NOT TODAY - I surrendered -  179,250 unsmoked cigarettes I have NOT smoked to MY Daddy God in praising and thanking Him for His grace and love and tender mercies NEW every morning to ME - I am so grateful for EVERY breath I take and for ALL of you teaching ME to breath dealing with MY daughters Father death on October 13 2020 - I thank God for all of you staying n.o.p.e members  - TODAY -  I just let GO and LET GO have all the jackass ignorant people who do NOT understand nicotine addiction to MY Daddy Gods care - TODAY - I live and let live as ALL the smokers left to smoke yesterday to smoke in between dealing with their emotions at Richards celebrating life and I just breathe in and out prayers for all nicotine drug addicts in MY Lord Jesus name amen





CHOICES - in MY TODAY as I breath in and out -  I choose to be loving and generous and give away all HELPFULNESS to the next suffering nicotine addict 



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 1, 2020

 2020 - AWE -  it is wonderful for ME to live in joy of NEVER taking that first puff over - MY OLD PAST life and Xhusbands - 3Xhusbands for ME - then MY Daddy God blessed ME with MY Wardeepooh 24 years December 27 1995 married in OUR Lord Jesus equally yoked amen - since Richards DEATH October 13 2020 at 1am -OLD crap has been present in MY day by day non smoker lifestyle - I came close to SUCKING ON DEATH AGAIN - I bit into a lemon peel amd all and blogged instead for ME not you - to save MY jackass and n.o.p.e. was reapeated over and over  - it took ME a little while to work out MY childhood rape in professional therapy in 1988 to October 1991 - please I am talking about ME not anyone else  - I was taught to take MY own sin inventory and to keep MY side of the street clean  - MY recovering friend Bill taught ME that there is good and bad in EACH human - what will MY choice be TODAY  - n.o.p.e. is MY sword of TODAY when OLD PAST MEMORIES HIT DEEP AND HARD - since October 13 - 2020 - alot of OLD PAST CRAP has HIT and I been biting into LEMONS and blog BEFORE I smoke over ME and OLD PAST MEMORIES - TODAY - I prayed for the for Xhusbands and ME to walk in forgiveness because MY Daddy God forgave ME and I choose of MY own free will to DO the same - EACH time they enter MY mind and lately in 2020 November this morning with Richards death who is -  MY 2nd Xhusband - MY OLD PAST has reared its ugly head back in time - it was 29 YEARS ago - MY 3rd Xhusband was found guilty of raping OUR daughters-  Richard and MY daughters - OUR children -  here's MY OLD MEMORY - 29 YEARS ago - I had just gotten out of professional therapy dealing with MY childhood rape - MY father raped ME at 6 yrs old until I left at age 16 yrs old and I was in a bible recovery survivos in 1991 - I had attened just a few mtgs on child rape group to learn to keep moving on in life NOT as a victim of MY childhood as a SURVIVOR - I was smoking like a chimmey and drank coffee ONLY in 1991 - I did NOT eat - I went from a size 20 to a size 5 - I had many eating disorders - I have overcome some of them - I am under MY Daddy Gods construction NOT people who judge and criticized ME -  ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace I am 34 years in Alanon for peoples pleasing recovery and I am sober 33 years and NICOTINE FREE since January 6th 2011 - MY life style TODAY- continue MY OLD PAST memory  - this 3rd Xhusband and ME - no drugs and no alcohol - WE were both in 12step programs - HELPING others recover and BAM HELL ON EARTH CAME - I was a born again believer since November 6th 1986 - just stating the FACT - 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 is MY belief since 1986 - then MY OLD PAST of October 1991 -  I came home and open the door and the 6yr old ran from the love seat to the kitchen chair - the 3rd Xhusband got up from love seat and left - I thought I was having a flashback of MY childhood - so I asked MY little one 6yr old-  questions and reassured her she was NOT in trouble and I loved her and she told ME everything- then the 3rd Xhusband came BACK in and I said step outside I got to talk with you - WE stepped out in the hall and I knocked him down - 6ft man and over 250lbs and I got up close to his face and I said - your lucky I serve Jesus Christ and I am gonna put you away and then I went back in and he followed and asked us if he could walk with us to the bus stopped the girls said yes and on the way he said your mom is right arresting me for what i done to you and I am sorry and one of the girls hugged him and they got on school bus  - long story short - the 3rd X husband was sentenced to 15 YEARS for both children and got out for GOOD behavior 7 YEARS later -  MY 2nd Xhusband Richard - OUR daughter's FATHER  - who was recently RIPPED out of this life October 13 2020 died - HE stood by ME and was in court the day I took the stand for OUR daughters - as I told what OUR daughters told ME -  their Father jumped over the rail to kill the 3rd X husband and 3 police officer's held Richard back and they took him out of court room - Richard supported ME in putting MY 3rd X husband away in prison -and WE remained close friends shared all holidays TOGETHER - WE ARE FAMILY - Richard loved ME and MY 4th husband Ward - they were sports buddies - TODAY - at NOON to 4pm-  is closure for MY husband Ward and ME - WE fellowship and share about Richard well loved living life style - for living and loving as a wonderful Father and a wonderful PAPA and a loving believer of OUR Lord Jesus and a GOOD n.o.p.e family friend - fyi - Richard had 16 YEARS as a non smoker and had emphysema COPD - HE didnt use NICOTINE to cope with his emphysema OR the rape of his daughters 29 YEARS ago  - WE overcame as a FAITH FAMILY and just for TODAY and - ONLY - by MY Daddy Gods grace - n.o.p.e. is MY goal - thanks for letting ME share OLD PAST MEMORIES will COME sone days - I  CHOSE to bite into a lemon peel and all and the blog BEFORE you take that first puff over YOU

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