Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Nov 1, 2019

Friday is a day for ME that centers MY mind on GRATITUDE to MY God for HIS love and tender mercies NEW to ME every morning - HE gives to ME -  by HIS breathing into ME - more of HIS love and peace and joy - in the midst of MY NEW DAY - to REMEMBER ALL God has done for ME - I smoked for 38 YEARS - at the end of MY using NICOTINE - MY drug of choice - talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - at the end of MY smoking - I smoked 50 DEATH STICKS - a day - I took MY inventory of -  how many times in 38 YEARS of smoking to COPE with life on life's terms - I TRIED TO NOT SMOKE - since 1988 - I tried the nicotine patch - the nicotine gum - the free seminars with panels of people telling their NICOTINE stories of RECOVERING from NICOTINE ADDICTION - I tried with smoking less nicotine - I tried filter and not filter - I tried and failed - I kept trying binge quitting - YET - smoke and smoke again and again was MY dilemma - then I finally admitting -  that since I was a born again Christian and had already given up tons of other sins - I could smoke - I wasn't as bad a sinner as OTHER'S - I told MYSELF anythng to keep SUCKING on DEATH -  I would convince MYSELF that other people get CANCER NOT ME - I am saved and NOT like THEM- I Bible read and study everyday - I go to church - I volunteer to HELP elderly - I give money to charities -  I don't use alcohol anymore to COPE with MY insides secrets - I go to support groups - so I don't live other people's lives - I am a RECOVERING person who WAS addicted to people approval - I dealt with MY childhood rape by MY father - ages 6 to 16 yrs old - PROFESSIONAL therapy and have a bible support group for child rape survivors - I eat healthier - I exercise daily - I deserve to smoke because I am a good person - I have changed and I am God's beloved daughter in Christ Jesus - I would tell MYSELF all this - to remove any guilt or REAL TRUTH - that I was addicted to NICOTINE and I COULDN'T quit on MY OWN - I was powerless over NICOTINE  - then one morning I took a SUGGESTION - made to ME to go watch EARLY DEATH video's. - about NICOTINE addiction at - Bryon's video -  brought ME out of MY LIEING TO MYSELF - MY denial - Dont even know I am lieing to MYSELF - MY DENIAL WAS FULL OF RELIGIOUS HAUGHTY PRIDE- remember I am talking about ME not anyone else - thank you -  I emailed - his family THANKING them for saving MY life through SHARING Bryon early DEATH from using NICOTINE - I tried to quit using NICOTINE on MY own - while reading the blogs here in October 2011 - I went from using 50 DEATH STICKS a day to 1 or 3 a day and then BACK TO 50 A DAY -  MY vicious -  PRIDE  -  I - I - I -  that said -  I WILL QUIT ON MY OWN -  I didn't - then in January - I fell to MY knees and prayed - Dear Jesus.s - if you don't take these cigs from ME I will smoke then until I drop dead in Jesus name amen - then the next morning on January 6 , 2011- COLD TURKEY QUIT - I NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF over ME or MY life on life's terms - ONLY by God's grace  - that's WHY November 1st 2019 is GRATITUDE MONTH for ME - I pray and lift up this SITE and ALL THE PEOPLE and surrender ALL to MY Lord Jesus and continue to thank MY God for MY NON SMOKER LIFE in MY Lord Jesus name - ONE day at a time and MY CHOICE to break down MY DAY to minutes - YESTERDAY MY sister in Christ - her husband passed into heaven - dying from cancer - thanks for letting ME just be ME - gentle hug